Random Reflections
Thoughts wholly contemplative and speculative.
One defining consequence of a rigid inflexible ego (that ineffable and intangible part of the self that ‘thinks’ it’s in control of other parts including its own self) is that of spinning false boundaries with the world and ego spaces external to it; quite often an artificial but sturdy wall of impenetrability behind which the owner languishes in painful but secure isolation. Its greatest fear is to be spurned or treated with levity. And its criteria for objects it categorizes as threatening is too inclusive to allow for a well-ventilated intersubjective space. Rather be safe behind the wall than be shamed outside of it, it opts for pseudo security at the price of meaningful connection.
I have long observed that I'm at my weakest (functionally) when I'm most happy (I don't know if this is just me). Contrary to popular view, I think there's something about happiness that makes me relax and take a lot of things for granted. As if something about being happy weakens my productive drive and dilutes my intensity of focused self-application. But could it be this very effect of happiness that makes it very addictive? Happiness seems to somewhat make you forget or ignore the negative dimension of your actual reality (the same way depression makes you forget or ignore the positive dimension of your actual reality). Those who crave happiness and are easily carried away by it are, ironically, also more prone to the pain and hurt that come from normal life disappointments. When the demand or thirst for happiness is high, the threshold for existential and psychological pain tolerance becomes very low. The two have an inverse relationship such that the higher the capacity for one the lower the capacity for the other. Hence, boredom and sadness may be alternatively conceived as withdrawal symptoms of a brain addicted to feeling good.
We are often not aware of how much the behavior of someone around us is heavily influenced by the kind of person they perceive us to be. We all want people to be real when dealing with us, but very few of us can actually tolerate the behavior that people would exhibit if they allowed themselves to behave exactly how they feel about and around us. While it's adaptive and emotionally intelligent to constantly adjust our behavior in response to the perceived dominant overt attributes of the person we're interacting with per time, it is often bad for both parties if one of them has to hide their true self too much in the presence of the other. And the one who's doing the hiding is less to blame than the one who's unwittingly causing them to hide (or pretend). Whenever we find ourselves having to hide a vital part of who we are when with a particular person or among group of people, then it is a sign that we ought not to be in relationship with such a person or group. And there is also the other category of people who suffer from the opposite limitation: they cannot hide the most offending aspect of their personality even if they wished to. So, they cope by describing themselves with such self-soothing qualifiers as “real”, “straightforward”, “straight shooter” etc.
When you are aware of the shameful truths of others, it becomes much easier to freely talk about your own shameful truths. People conceal their shameful truths when they see or think that their shameful truth is unique to them. When you have a defect that makes you feel abnormal, and you found out that that defect actually has a name and has been found in many others too, you feel normal again. It is the one instance in which diagnosis and labelling may have positive psychological effect. But then there would still be individuals who would hold back from sharing their shameful truths even if everyone else confesses theirs. It is the one sense in which stigma is self-inflicted and self-perpetuated and why it will always self-reproduce if at all eradicated (which is impossible anyway).
As much as possible, organize your life and your external reality in such a way that it closely approximates your internal landscape. The more the split the greater the danger of being misunderstood by others and of mental disturbance due to identity confusion. Better to be misunderstood as a unity than as a duality or multiplicity. When our self-presentation in social and interpersonal contexts confuses people, they become jittery and uncomfortable whenever they have to interact with us. And it is very naive to complain about being misunderstood when you've not achieved the primary task of self-integration. A disorganized psychology (or mind) would always manifest as disorganized behavior.